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Alright, Bammer fans, this week I rolled the coins one time and one time only. I asked the Yi, “Will Bammer beat the Vols?”

I received hexagram # 10 Lü or “Cautious Treading“. Remember that last week’s hex was # 9, so you can see this week’s answer is just the next hex in sequence. Lü, as a pictogram is that of a [body repeating steps] or “following a trail.” It is taken to mean “proceed with caution.” It suggests that you be as careful as an old man crossing an icy stream. Or, as the story in the hexagram tells us, as careful as a person following a tiger.

A hexagram (of course) is two trigrams combined. Here, we have HEAVEN on top of MARSH. Heaven is symbolically a tiger, and in ancient China the government was often compared to a tiger. In our situation, Coach Saban represents the government, thus Saban is the Tiger. (It could be any leader of the team though, like JPW. So, JPW could be the Tiger.) Under the tiger, and thus following the tiger, is the Marsh, which usually symbolizes joy. Generally, though, we can take the Marsh to represent the subordinates, the players and assistants to the tiger: the team.

The judgment of the hexagram is thus:
Treading upon the tail of the tiger.
It does not bite the man. Success.

The idea is that the presumptuous subordinate has stepped on the “toes” of his leader and master, but as this was done in good humor (Marsh is joyful,) the leader does not react harshly. This doesn’t make much sense right now, for sure, but the “Success” mentioned in the judgment is surely a good sign. I take it to mean that Bammer will win, but let’s see what the changing lines have to say; I received 3 of them.

Six in the third place:
A one-eyed man is able to see,
A lame man is able to tread.
He treads on the tail of the tiger.
The tiger bites the man.
Misfortune.
Thus does a warrior act on behalf of his great prince.

This looks bad, right? It looks like it’s saying that some gimp steps on the tiger’s tail and gets his head bitten off. But really it is not as bad as it sounds. The third line in this hexagram is a yin line, and it is the ruling line of the Marsh trigram. The Marsh, in addition to symbolically representing joy, also represents injury. And here we can see that injury described as a one-eyed, lame man over-stepping his rightful, subordinate position.

The commentary (by Confucius) on this line is that it is unlucky when viewed at the level of the trigram, but it is auspicious when viewed from the level of the entire hexagram. (We will see this in the next changing line, too.) Confucius is saying that this line is a warning. If the warning is heeded, of course there will be no misfortune. And if we heed the warning (ignoring the misfortune mentioned in the above) and concentrate on the last line, we can come to this conclusion: It is beneficial for the injured to to trust in their leader. Our team is certainly injured — we have a gaping hole in the middle of our defensive line — and it would benefit us to follow the directions of the Tiger.

Nine in the fifth place:
He decides on treading.
Despite perseverance, he is in a difficult situation.

This line (the 5th) always represents the ruler; here, it represents the Tiger too. I usually interpret it as either our Coach Saban or our QB. Here it is a yang line in the correct position, but why then, does it say that it is a difficult situation? Well, again, this looks bad from the level of the trigram, but from the level of the hexagram as a whole it will not be so bad. Trust me.

The reason this is a difficult situation is because the Tiger is being followed, is commanding an injured subordinate. The Yi is telling us that the leader must take this into account when he issues his commands. So, if Bammer is mindful of the injury situation, he will be able to escape this game unscathed.

Nine in the sixth place:
Look to your conduct while treading and weigh the favorable signs.
When everything is fulfilled, supreme good fortune comes.

This line kind of sums up the whole hexagram. It is saying that if you look back at the path you followed, and it looks like you stepped where you should of, then that will be auspicious. Basically, it is saying: If you guarded against and prepared for that which you were warned about in the preceding lines, you will be successful. So, did we? Will Bammer have avoided the misfortune of injury in line 3? Will Bammer have been mindful of the difficult situation and adjusted the game plan accordingly?

Let’s look even farther into the future to find out. Let’s look to the hexagram resulting from the changing lines followed in this one. Here is what we get:

Hexagram # 34 Da Zhuang or “Great Strength”. It is Thunder over Heaven. The commentary on the hexagram says, “Thus the jun zi (that’s the person following the Yi Jing) does not practice what is not proper.” This means: that we heeded the advice of “Cautious Treading.”

The judgment is as follows:
It is advantageous to be persevering.

If you watched Saban’s interview after the game, you would have seen that Saban likes this word “perseverance.” So does the Yi. And while I don’t think that Saban is reading my predictions, or that he is reading the Yi, it does mean that he knows how important it is to persvere. Perseverance leads to victories.

A Fucking Rivalry Game at Last
At last, our annual feud with the Knoxvillains, though not on the traditional 3rd Saturday in October, because the SEC uses some fucking Mayan Chinese Jewish New Year calendar when scheduling their games. So, yes Bammers, the Iron Bowl is no longer in a city that gives a shit about iron, and the 3rd Saturday in October game is not on the 3rd Saturday in October, and sorry Georgia and Florida fans, but The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party is actually in Emmit Smith’s pants.

Who the Fuck is Tennessee… really?
Tennessee Coach Phil Fulmer has reigned terror and misery from his rocky precipice on friend and foe alike, despite the embarrassing but noble efforts of redneck Alabama douchebags to bring him down via litigation. However, we can thank the Knoxvillains for Designing Women’s Dixie Carter and Cormac McCarthy of No Country for Old Men fame, whose recent novel The Road, is a thinly veiled post-apocalyptic metaphor for the post Johnny Majors era.

With this foreman grill and Julia Sugarbaker's head, I'll make us some nice panini sandwiches!

The Fucking Guns N Roses Era
The last time Bama was ranked #2 was 1993, also the last year a Guns N Roses album was released (The Spaghetti Incident, haha)… Now! they are releasing ANOTHER album, Chinese Democracy (the one song I heard sounded like some nu metal horse shit), and Bama is again high in the polls. Axl, you keep on rockin and churning that crap out!

Fucking Halftime?
Nick saban needs to break in a new halftime speech theme, this FINISH stuff, well, it just ain’t workin.

Not what we had in mind

Why the Fucking Orange??
Some UT President in the fucking 1800s picked orange and white because of the color of the hallucinogenic daisies around campus. That orange shit really made the students madder than a bucket of baboons, and they voted the orange out, but somehow it came back, so now they gather around in the thousands wearing hunting gear and naming their children Peyton.

Why we are Fucked
Being in the Top 2, we are constantly looking over our shoulder, and with good reason, having increasingly close calls against unranked teams. Also, we could never, NEVER be lucky enough to have the honor of pouring the cement into the the Great Coach Pumpkin’s fishing boots and dropping him off into the Tennessee River.

Why they are Fucked
They are fucked because tickets are still on sale! Wanna go?! I’m thinking about it! We can take a boat! Make some NOISE!!

Also:
Gobble Gobble Motherfuckers
Hopefully the Party Band will have a Vols song up, my weekend needs a theme song
Upside Down Dogs is quite possibly the best idea for a site, ever