Why Even Fucking Prepare for this Game??? Alabama has already been awarded the Heisman Trophy, the Nobel Prize in ass-kicking physics, the Palm D’Or,a Purple Heart, Outland Trophy, Outback Baked Potato, Hungryman Dinner, the Oaken Boot, the Wooden Leg, the Platinum Ligament and the Butkus Turkey Leg. (OK, maybe thats just an artist representation of the Butkus [...]
“FUCK HOSS!! DON’T GOT TO SHOOT ME!! AINT NO YANKEE!!” 2 future bitter Texas A & M rivals will battle it out in Oxford this weekend. Most likely on Saturday, with a possible road trip after the game to smear feces and ranch dressing all over the Texas A & M bus as part of [...]
Ahh, it seems like just yesterday it was sweet sweet 2009 and the Alabama was rolling. Before the Malzahns had settled in and before Suits by Brooks was stalking running backs. I F-Bombed them back then and I will F-bomb those motherfuckers again. Where the Fuck is North Texas?? One of the main interesting things [...]
WHO NEEDS THAT LEPRECHAUN TO GRANT MY WISHES??? I GOT F-BOMBS AND FOOTBALL COMING UP!! Time for some Fucking Football! Some may think this is a time of healing after the devestating Tornados, and while true the money that football patrons spend around Tuscaloosa will definitely help heal some of the shit, but I [...]
Wheels have really come off since the LSU loss. The kids started huffing gas and throwing vegetables and shit at passing cars. Wife left with a plumber, bastard just waltzed out of the house with a soiled roto-rooter in one hand, and the old lady in another, now all i got is a little wet [...]
What the Fuck! Bad News this week. Got run over by a swamp baby en route to the game. Lil bastard riding shotgun takes the wheel from swamp-momma and guns it at my ass. Thank God the wife was out there, to tell the kid to stop AFTER he had run me over. Hurt my back, [...]
What Up Missedsissiiippii! I’m gonna preemptively apologize for misspelling Mississippi, cause I really could give five shits about spelling when I’m writing in my blog with no ads about football where I make doodoo jokes. You want spelling, go back to elementary school. You want pizza, go to the Hut. You want children, go get someone pregnant or [...]
Something about the South Carolina game makes me drowsy. Maybe I’m not getting enough sleep and need to get some sweet-ass bed made by Swedish Astronauts. Looking back in Tower of Bammer archives… even wayy back to the old parchment version that me and TJ nailed to the front of Bryant Denny back in the [...]
FUCKING YOGURT IN THA HOUSE!!! So here we are, with a just-opened under-stadium science bunker where Alabama can invent new types of performance enhancing yogurt. This week we will come up with some special yogurt we can drop on all those arm-flapping jort-stealing taser-toting panhandlers, mayhaps with some multicolored sprinklies, chocolate flakies, and genetically engineered [...]
The Year of the Fuckin Razorback! This weekend Alabama faces the hawwwgs, preseason darlings of the hype-o-sphere. Arkansas possessess an explosive offensive attack, jolly giant of a QB Ryan Mallet and mad scientist of a coach Bobby Petrino, a veritable alchemist of offensive concoctions, screen bubbles, slanty routes, wolf patterns, zipper flys, curly Q’s, and [...]