Clemson Threw Coach Tommy Bowden under the Bus this morning, a few days after he loses to Wake Forest and threw his QB under the bus. Later, QB Cullen Harper, after making a big purchase at Whole Food’s unpleasant grape section, says “It’s what he deserved.” So, who is next up for an extra large order of bus enchiladas.. one of our struggling rivals maybe?

Philip Fulmer – Third Saturday in Blogtober has been looking for a replacement for the Great Pumpkin since September, but it will doubtfully be as easy as fooling him with a “Free Bustache Rides” sign. With his slightly shiny resume and just being a year removed from an SEC west crown, I think he’ll be around a little longer. They’ll probably keep him around just for being so hated in Alabama that he incites lawsuits. Axing Fulmer and his staff could cost the University $9.55 Million, to translate that for you Tennessee dudes, that could buy over a half million of those fuckin weird hats (unless you insist on actual animal fur).

Tommy Tuberville - After losing to hapless squad of Petrino Hogs, the Aubs are in disarray, and many bammers are rejoicing at their trials and tribulations. Me, I’m just glad their providing a solid target for Paul Finebaum and his restless natives to throw poison darts at. I’m sure the Auburn board of Trustees is in a black helicopter hovering over Will Muschamp’s house right now, but I’d still be shocked if they ran General Augustus Tubervilius off this year. Still, we all drink from the same water system generously fortified with the impatience and high expectations that sent Mike Shula back to the steak house less than 12 months after a top 10 finish in the polls. It should also be noted that Tuberville’s contract features a $6 million buyout, which would buy you 1.7 million of those trunk tails (which recently had their price SLASHED 60 CENTS). And i think these buyouts might make a bigger difference as retirement plans dive bomb and athletic boosters’ sphincter holes seal up airtight.

Enough about those assholes. We looked like football wizards out there. Every motherfucker played great. Didn’t matter if you’re a third string, freshman, if you had a white jersey on, you played like goddamn monster. Mark Ingram, christ, he made a name for himself. Eight months ago, dude was pinning a corsage on his prom date. Last night, he was running over grown men. Totally impressed. Tiffin can take credit for getting the party started with a 54 yard knuckleball. JPW was playing so great, he had Herbstreet licking his asshole throughout the broadcast, while ole Mussberger tickled his balls.

Non-conference games like these are touted by coaches as gauges to see where your team is at. If that’s the case, we are much more talented and ready to play than anyone with half a football brain was predicting. Now we just have to see how our team handles success and hype. Cause I’m confident that we’re rolling into Athens 4-0. Not that it wasn’t already, but that game just got huge. We’ll worry about that later, though. Now we get enjoy this one for a while. Soak it up my crimson bretheren.

Who the Fuck is Clemson:
Clemson has a little over 17,000 fucking students and is based in Clemson, South Carolina. The state that started the Civil War and has that cool fucking palm tree on their flag. My first experience with Clemson was being forced off the road by a convoy of orange paw print flagged vehicles on I-95 sometime in 2002. At first I thought there must have been some large humane society convention in Atlanta, but later I found it was Clemson fans, probably just on their way to whoop Georgia Tech’s ass.

Why We’re Fucked:
Cullen Harper is one of the nations top QBs, while running backs CJ Spiller and James Davis provide have home run speed and consistently moves the chains. If these assholes have a good day we are pretty fucked.

Why We’re Not Fucked, Totally:
If its a close game, expect Clemson’s special teams to fuck up. Also, It’s not November, so we have a chance. We haven’t won a game in November since Nov. 5, 2005. Children have been born into this world and learned how to talk since the last time we won a November game.

Fresh Fucking Faces:
Alabama brings in a highly touted group of frosh that ranked tops in the nation and 2 of those talented motherfuckers will start, but Clemson is no slouch either, hauling in the nation’s top defensive end recruit, Dequan Bowers, a man-child who will probably dine on ACC quarterback bones several times before the season is over.

Who Fucked Who Last Year:
Clemson lost to fucking Auburn 23-20 last year in their bowl game, but beat Florida State 24-18 and hammered Louisiana Monroe 49-26. If anything, this should give my Alabama brothers and sisters some doses of reality. Clemson smashed THE La Monroe team that handed our beloved Tide their most embarrassing defeat in 119 years of organized football, this defeat was so stunning, it had our Coach Sabanator out there talking crazy shit about 9-11, Pearl Harbor, Abortion Clinic Bombers, the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake and the 1954 Tokyo Godzilla Attack. Bammers should expect to hear La-Monroe taunts at least into the next decade, and should have a handy comeback ready like “Jimmy John’s sold extacy to your grandma”.

Fucking Links:
3rd Saturday in Blogtober’s “Why Bama will Win”
Ian Rappaport’s “Whats going on in Clemson”
Got Bugs? Clemson’s fascinating radio show on insects, I’m fucking serious, i’ve learned so much about bugs

Fucking Atlanta Food:
The Vortex in Atlanta has excellent Ostrich Burgers

Speaking of Escalades, seen Shaq Jump an Escalade?

However, we are lucky that very little controversy has been produced by Atnoine* Caldwell’s comments advocating murder of junior college transfer and buildingish 385 LB teammate Terrance Cody. “Take a gun with them out there” He says, imagining some Last Boy Scout action taking place while he sits safely on the sideline next to a huge offensive lineman with a cup of florescent Gatorade and a bulletproof towel over his head.

or maybe

*we will forever laugh at the mispelling incident