so why not another revisit the styles and methods of other booger eater greats?

The Hunter Gatherer
Basketball star Allen Iverson shows us how to properly inspect the results of your latest booger hunting expedition. Its odd that a player known for snap judgements and quick drives to the basket would hesitate so much on such a simple and delicious decision.

The Texas Breakfast
This Texas A & M fan decides to munch one some little salty nose-skittles

Worried the federal government is going to take all your boogers? you should look around a little bit and then do the  Sly Deposit like this UCLA trainer.

Chase Daniel shows us his special version of the QB Sneak, this also could be classified as the Sideline Snack with a Bench Booger on the side

We can’t forget Alabama assistant b-ball coach tom asbury demonstrates the classic High Speed Pinky Gobble. He actually adapted this from an Oriental nose-move called the Mongoose.

DISCLAIMER:
No boogers were harmed in the making of this post.

POST-DISCLAIMER-ADDENDUM:
The above disclaimer is a lie, several boogers both young and old were eaten while doing field research for this post

Will Bammer beat the Booger Eaters?

This week Bammer returns to the field after a much needed off week. We’re 11-0 (I’m 13-0 in Yi Jing predictions this year, btw and fyi) and now we get to face our most hated opponent: them Booger Eaters on the Plains, who have provided us with a near constant supply of schadenfreude this season. So, I ask the Yi, Can we end this six game streak of theirs?

The Yi answered with hexagram # 55 Feng, or Abundance. (The ideogram is [container filled with mountainous abundance].)

The Image:
Both thunder and lightning come:
The image of ABUNDANCE.
Thus the superior man decides lawsuits
And carries out punishments.

The hexagram is the trigram Zhen (thunder, motion) over the trigram Li (fire, awareness) so this is how we get the image of thunder and lightning. My favorite translator of the Yi says, “Thunder from Zhen represents majesty and lightning from Li represents sagacity.” Thus, here, we have the image of our Sage-King Saban not just creating and laying down the foundation for principles and rules imposed by his virtuous authority, but carrying them out: justly, Sage-King Saban punishes the offensive Tigers. Hopefully, the punishment will include lopping off six booger-covered fingers.

The Judgment:
ABUNDANCE brings success.
The king attains abundance.
Do not be worried.
You should be like the sun at midday.

Abundance can lead to over-abundance in the blink of an eye. And extremes retrograde quickly. But we are told not to worry about that here. We shouldn’t worry because our Sage-King Saban has acquired the abundance, and we can trust in his virtuosity to handle this bestowal with appropriateness. We need to reflect (on) these qualities of virtue possessed by our Sage-King, and thus “shine like the noon sun.” The sun at it’s zenith, for a moment eternal, the continuum carrying toward setting comes another day. Here we shine. Abundance brings success for Bammer.

Nine at the beginning:
When a man meets his destined ruler,
Although they are of the same kind,
There will be no error.
Going meets with recognition.

This line describes a meeting of equals. (Technically, it describes the relationship between lines 1 and 4 in the hexagram. Both are Yang, so they are equals and assumed to be unable to join harmoniously.) They are equal, but one is recognized as the superior here. The superior one, of course, is the Sage-King mentioned above. So, here is described the meeting between Tuberville and Saban. It is a meeting of equals (i.e. they are both head coaches,) yet the lesser one (the visiting one, the one “going”) is told to recognize the superiority of the “destined ruler” (our Saban.) The commentary on this line even goes so far as to warn the lesser equal that “it will be perilous if he tries to outshine his partner.

In summary, Tuberville comes to town and recognizes his superior, Saban.

Sixth in the fifth place:
His notable partner is come.
To welcome him with honor and praise is auspicious.

Let’s take this line to represent Saban. It’s in the right spot; the fifth line has represented the leader of the team in every predicition so far. Here, Saban is told that it would bring good fortune to respond (from his superior position) to his lesser equal with humiltiy and grace. The two words used here in the text are qing (congratulate) [go and offer heartfelt gift of deerskin] and yu (honor, reputation) [words given, as a hand would give]. So, this line is telling us that it would be good for Saban to congratulate his lesser equal guest with warm praise for his reputation (previous six wins). I assume that there will be some of this praise for Tuberville and Co. in Saban’s post-victory press conference, as there have been plenty of displays of humility and recognition by Saban already this year.

So, in summary: Don’t worry. Saban is the superior here. Bammer has success. I don’t see the Booger Eaters scoring very much at all.

The QB Dilemma:
Not long after after the champagne bottles are cleaned up or the tears are mopped up off the floor, bammers will be trying to extrapolate the 2009 QB situation from unsubstantiated message board rumors and nebulous spring practice reports of Greg McElroy, Star Jackson and Thomas Darrah. Early money would be on current backup McElroy to at least begin 2009 as the starter, but the highly recruited Jackson comes in with lots of hype (and hope), and Darrah had a promising A-day game last year that opened a lot of eyes. Talented signee AJ McCarron may even compete as the year continues, but will probably be headed for a redshirt.

Entering the season with a bucket load of high expectations, rivals LSU, Tennessee and Auburn have spent the better part of the season bitching about their QBs. What should prevent Bama from a similar fate is that we aren’t saddled with an asshat for a coach; so we should have faith that Saban & Co will have their shit together in proper time. As painful as it may be to break in a new signal caller, each of these guys have potential to break out of that over-used crown of thorns we place on unspectacular QBs: ‘game managers’.

The Offense:
Leaving: QB John Parker Wilson, Center Atnoine* Caldwell, Tackle Andre Smith (we’re going to go with the assumption that he is going to the NFL, possibly a top 3 draft pick) and Guard Marlon Davis, Tight Ends Nick Walker and Travis McCall, receivers Nikita Stover and Will Oakley.

QB remains the biggest source of gastro-intestinal uncertainty, but after losing two (count em!) first day draft picks, can the line remain the strength of the team? Probably not, but highly recruited young guys like Barrett Jones, Tyler Love, John Michael Boswell, and even incoming freshman DJ Fluker will be called upon to pick up the slack. While we may not see these guys opening up the massive running back lanes we’ve become used to seeing in 2008, next year’s unit could end up more versatile in both run blocking and pass protection.

We’ll surely see more of freshman Tight End Brad Smelley, who had some key catches, and Georgia Tech transfer Colin Peek will finally see the field for UA after sitting out the 2008 season. While there aren’t any running backs graduating, Trent Richardson, should he stay solid in his commitment, may be able to challenge for playing time immediately.

The Defense:
Leaving: Safety Rashad Johnson, DE Bobby Greenwood, possibly Nose Tacke Terrence Cody (we have to wonder if his mid season injury will motivate him to come back and improve or scare him into bolting for the No Fun League and all its riches). It also has to be expected that many will try to steal some defensive staff away from the debbie cake eater. Kevin Steele is probably most ripe for the plucking into a head coaching position, and its fairly obvious that almost every team in the Big 12 could use a good defensive coordinator.

Next year’s defense will be an obvious strength. Rashad Johnson’s ball hawking will be missed, but his real contribution is keeping his fellow defensive backs from looking like out-of-position assholes. His coach-on-the-field mentality hopefully won’t be as needed with about 11 players on the current 2-deep returning as Seniors (already time to for a 2010 looking ahead?). As far as inheriting his Free Safety position, will Ali Sharrief take it over full time, or will we see players shuffled around? We know Saban is not afraid to change positions to get his best athletes on the field.

Inevitable letdown?
This has been the kind of season that only whiskey-eyed, shameless homers could’ve predicted. Next season, the Tide could be coming in defending SEC and National champs. Repeating this sort of success, while not impossible, is damn diffcult. If the team suffers a couple of tough losses, can Bammers, who have quickly forgotten what losing feels like, keep thier emotions in check and be realistic?

*

Tubervillains have been calling for his head for weeks. now its official, Tony Franklinstein is out at Auburn. Smells like a goat to me, partly because they we’ren’t event running his offense. The bright side is, now that special guest is available to put your Halloween party over the top, I hear he has a mean apple bobbing system and is amazingly accurate flicking candy corns across the room with his tongue.

Like the 2004 Tsunami?
Just yesteday the chief Tubervillain himself said, “Why don’t you go back to doing what you did?’ Well, if you do that, then you are asking for major disaster”, so we can only assume that the firing of a major coach in the middle of the season qualifies itself as only a minor disaster.

Also:
Well thats cool linked a visiting fan who had a great time in T-town in the last game

Waldo: “Do those Bulldogs like to roll around in shit too???”

Otis: “I hope Corso doesn’t pick us to win!”

Freckles: “I’m very concerned about our linebackers in pass coverage!”

Beau: “The Big 10 is slow LMAO”

Susie: “Finebaum has got me on hold right now, I got some shit to say about Tony Franklin that’s gonna get the booger-eaters all riled up”

Sugar: “Over-Rated! bark bark barkbarkbark!”