Several Alabama players will have their 69 Boyz ringtones at the ready during the NFL draft this Saturday, repeatedly cursing every unknown number they get a call from. The Tide’s 2008 draft class was legendary in all the wrong ways, with no names getting called and (unless I missed something) no 2008 guys even making it on rosters as free agents.

Andre Smith
4th OT (NFL Draft Countdown)
WalterFootball has him ranked as the 63rd player overall (!)
Mock Drafts: Don Banks 6th to Bengals, Todd McShay 7th to Raiders
In Case you forgot about Andre’s missteps, well they replayed all the shit during the A-day telecast, and they’ll replay it again at least 11 times on ESPN and the NFL network. I’m convinced its on a permanent loop at one ESPN engineer’s workstation. Before his bacon grease slathered screwups, Andre had a chance to be Alabama’s first number one overall draft pick since Harry Gilmer in 1948.

Rashad Johnson
3rd Safety (NFL Draft Countdown)
Rashad has had a storybook career, going from walk-on running back to defensive field general. Rashad is likely the number one safety for several teams, but they rarely pick safety’s in the first round, especially small ones.

Antoine Caldwell
5th Center (NFL Draft Countdown)
Caldwell is in the upper-middle of the pack in a year of solid centers, but I believe his attitude, intelligence and versatility give him an excellent shot at sticking with an NFL team.

Glen Coffee
12th RB (NFL Draft Countdown)
Either because of his family’s financial need, the rebuilding Tide offensive line, Pat Robertson’s 700 Club, or the highly anticipated Trent Richardson arrival, the time seemed right for Coffee to percolate into the NFL.

John Parker Wilson
15th QB (NFL Draft Countdown)
A solid Senior Bowl and combine may get him drafted on the second day. Likely you’ll hear the entire state of Alabama groan if he gets selected, but he’s not supposed to beat out Tom Brady or anything, he really has the qualities an NFL team would want for a third string QB.

Travis McCall
21st Tight End (NFL Draft Countdown)
McCall’s blocking puts him on the map at the same time he knocks other people off theirs. While he’ll probably end up a free agent, with the proliferation of the spread, he has the advantage of coming from a pro style offense and has been used often in the H back role.

Nick Walker
You hear surprisingly little about Alabama’s second leading receiver. The guy got into some great shape after the 2006 season to become an excellent receiving threat, and my crimson colored glass don’t remember him being a liability blocking. I’d love to see him on a team with an accurate QB like Peyton Manning or Drew Brees, but he’ll have to hope he gets picked up as an undrafted free agent.

Load up the rifles and leave the deer urine at home, cause it’s open season on former Tide lineman Andre Smith!
His 2009 missteps has incurred the wrath of NFL pundits and the legion of bored internets, and much has been made of how much money he will lose and how far he may fall. Last December Smith was routinely mentioned as one of the top 3 players expected in the NFL draft, and probably would have been invited to sit at the top prospect table at the draft, with ESPN and NFL Network cameras buzzing around him and attempting to trip each other. BUT Smith made 2 mistakes, a confusing exit from the NFL Combine before workouts, and running shirtless through the Hank Crisp Indoor Practice Facility.

To Keel a Mockingbird
Smith’s Agent, Alvin Keels, may deserve a share of the blame. It was known before the combine that Smith was not going to work out at the combine, but it was not communicated properly. An agent should have at least some ideas about the communication necessary during an event as scrutinized as the NFL Combine. Keels is only 28 and relatively new to the game and his Global Management Group’s highest profile clients might be Chief’s running back Larry Johnson (Arrested 4 times for assault against women, Keels and Johnson parted ways in the middle of last season after his most recent trouble) and Washington DB DeAngelo Hall (often called MeAngelo, famous for his in game meltdown and tirade while on the Falcons). Global Management Group boasts 16 clients (with Andre Smith not even listed and Johnson still there), I guess that averages out to a little over 2 clients per continent.

Of course the blame ultimately falls on Smith though, not even Tom Condon and Mega-Agency CAA could have convinced him to keep working out through January, since he didn’t even pick an agent until Feb 11.

So how far will he fall?
According to mock drafts (which are about as scientific as medieval alchemy), not very far, unless you believe these guys. I think this hints at the fact that his ranking between each time will vary wildy. One of my favorite draft sites has him at 6 going to the Bengals. After seeing their quarterbacks bludgeoned and their running backs stuffed the past few years, and with Ocho Cinco on their team, are they really concerned about getting another borderline head case? He’ll likely be picked after Eugene Monroe and Jason Smith or The Blind Side darling Mike Oher. There will be some detractors, but many teams later in the first round are probably slobbering over a chance for him to drop.

And once he gets picked, the FUN HAS JUST BEGUN.
Everyone loves a storyline, so ESPN will skewer him like the lazy fat sociopathic run blocking baby murderer he truly is while working on pre production for an hour-long special about the kid that overcame the worst NFL Combine Performance Ever. Media personalities across the country starved for something to take a wet crap on will cry foul that NFL GMs didn’t have his tonails removed and his testicles electrocuted, and every missed block will unleash a tsunami of i-told-you-so’s.

The Bottom Line
1) The vast majority of NFL Offensive Linemen are fucking fat. If you like your sumo wrestlers lean and mean go take bong hits with Michael Phelps, linemen will always be large slightly unhealthy men that know how to avoid a salad.  2) The draft is a crapshoot, no matter what, the only thing garunteed is the economy altering contracts the first picks get, and Smith has already shit his way out of that, isn’t that punishment enough, angry internet man? 3) you’ll be hard pressed to find a linemen that has a body of work like Andre Smith, a body of work slathered in bacon grease, of course. 4) Andre has done what many NFL players take YEARS to do… aquire a legion of detractors and critics.