Ahh. Homecoming. I tell you all, I didn’t fret over this prediction at all. Not that I’m looking past the Red Wolves and onto la Tigers, though the Yi seems to imply that that is quite alright in this situation.

Will Bammer beat the Red Wolves?

The Yi game me hexagram # 5 Xu, or Waiting. The pictogram is [rain arriving as slow as a growing beard.] It is Water on top of Heaven, and the idea is that you must wait for the rain to fall, and then further wait for the crops to grow. We can interpret it as that we must wait for next week, when we get a real game. In the mean time, we can party: this game is a gimme.

Thus the Image is:
Clouds rise up to heaven:
The image of WAITING.
Thus the superior man eats and drinks,
Is joyous and of good cheer.

It’s homecoming! Lighten up guys! It’s time to party; time to eat, drink, and be merry. And right we should! We’re 8-0 and ranked #2 in the nation. I don’t think we should be worried about a homecoming upset.

Waiting also implies preparedness, though. It is not an idle waiting (even though we may be feasting.) So think of this week’s game as a good time to prepare for the next week. It is OK to look forward a bit; we need a sufficient amount of time to prepare for la Tigers.

The Judgment is:
WAITING. If you are sincere,
You have light and success.
Perseverance brings good fortune.
It furthers one to cross the great water.

Waiting also implies confidence: confidence in our ability to mop the floor with the Red Wolves, and confident in our ability to cross the Mississippi River next week and play la Tigers. Our confidence is built upon our previous wins, our inner virtue, and our perseverance (here that word is again!) We have light and success.

“Xu means waiting, because danger lies ahead,” says the commentary on the Judgment. We can take this danger to be LSU, not the Red Wolves.

There were 3 changing lines.

Nine at the beginning:
Waiting in the meadow.
It furthers one to abide in what endures.
No blame.

We are a week away from la Tigers (the danger that lies ahead) and thus we can relax a bit (as if in a field of flowers;) and we can be confident in relying on our bread n’ butter: defense and throwing 3 excellent running backs at the other team.

Nine in the fifth place:
Waiting at meat and drink.
Perseverance brings good fortune.

Here is my favorite line, the fifth, which represents Saban or JPW. Here is his celebrating and feasting with his team. It’s a good time. Our favorite word (perseverance again!) indicates that there will be good fortune. It’s like this game is an act, a play put on to entertain those involved in the feast. I think we will like the ending!

Six in the sixth place:
One falls into the pit.
Three uninvited guests arrive.
Honor them, and in the end there will be good fortune.

And here the ominous makes its way into the party. “One falls into the pit” can also be translated as “He enters the cave” and it means that what we’ve been waiting for (the rain) has come and we need to seek shelter. I think it means that after this game against the Red Wolves, the real danger will approach. This is, of course, la Tigers.

The idea is that when it rains (when the top trigram Water descends) it provokes the 3 yang lines making up Heaven to rise. These 3 lines are interpreted as the “uninvited guests.” I interpret them to represent some aspect of the game against the Red Wolves in which we did not shine, or some weaknesses in our game plan that la Tigers could exploit. If we don’t recognize and solve these problems in our game plan, if we don’t “honor the uninvited guest” it could spell disaster for us. If we do recognize what the “uninvited guests” are, and if we do solve the problems they represent, there will be good fortune.

In summary: Homecoming is a party. There is much to prepare for next week.

Coincidentally, the resulting hexagram for the changing lines is # 18 Kun, or Working On What Has Been Spoiled. The pictogram is [maggots in a plate of food.] I think we can interpret this to mean that we need to clean up after our feast before we cross the “great water.”

Welcome Previously-Known-As-Fucking-Indians!
In this day and age, I guess we can’t go naming our fucking sports teams after geographically misnamed minorities, who lived here for thousands of years and we nearly wiped out through disease and war. Thusly, Arkansas State rolled out their new and improved athletics logo and mascot* this Fall. In a manimal-like transformation** in the hills of Arkansas, the tribe of Indians have become a pack of Red Wolves, hoping to minimize offensiveness and maximize intimidation. If only they would have picked a more unique animal, like a fever-carrying tick or some type of mollusk. Mollusca are horribly underrepresented as mascots, the UCSB Banana Slug being a notable exception.

Who The Fuck is Arkansas State?
Arkansas State is based in Craighead County, Akansas, by way of Jonesboro, which is a mother fucking Dry County(!). It seems they use “stAte” as their logo, in a way that painfully reminds me of that damn javascript programming class that I did really badly in. ASU has 11,000 students, and I really hope, for their sake, they still find ways to get into trouble up there, cause alcohol is limited to ‘private clubs’, which sounds far more devious than ‘public intoxication’.

The Voice of SpongeBob Neighbor Squidward Tentacles, Rodger Bumpass, went to Arkansas State

Why We are Fucked
The Tide has developed some serious trouble with kickoffs lately, and Drew Davis has had some serious problems pass blocking. The Indian-Wolves have a good offense and QB. They won at Texas A & M this year and only lost to the current #1 Texas by 8 pts last year.  Mainly, we are only fucked if our team finds surprising ways to beat themselves, like this:

Why They are Fucked
Arkansas State is fucked because the running back Cerberus of Coffee, Ingram and Upchurch will have a La-Monroe sized chip on their shoulder Saturday, and wanting this thing in the fucking bag early. The WolverIndians have not been tested this year, flaunting a schedule dominated by losing teams. The only team Div 1-A team they’ve faced with a winning record this year is a 4-Win Louisiana-Lafayette squad. Anything less than domination of this opponent will incite poll voters across the country to jump ship and Bama could end up behind Penn State, Florida, USC, Boise State and Spain Park.

Fucking Pay Per View
Sorry fuckers, this game is on pay per view, if you’re watching this at home with the volume turned down and Eli Gold cracked up on the radio, I am sorry, but, I don’t understand your brain. Bama HAS to put this away early, just to spare viewers from the blurry picture and the part-time sub-intern-level announcing crew. The Pay-Per-Dudes always sound like kids in 3rd grade getting called on to read. Viewers will be longing to be cuddled by the Raycom Sports army of Daves if this thing isn’t a blowout by the 4th quarter. Isn’t it just an anomoly of economics in that, you pay MORE for the game, and the coverage gets SHITTIER?

* This also helped Arkansas State grad students from Bangalor realize that, no, they will not be selling mango-jalapeno-pickle chutney at athletic events, reducing their confusion and culture shock

**Here is an example Manimal transformation, the bulging fingers give me the creeps: