Lance Armstrong is one of the most polarizing athletes of our time. His amazing speed while driving motorcycles has launched comparisons to Hut Stricklin, Dale Earnhardt Jr, and even Evil Kneivel himself. He recently had an interview with Oprah where he talked about awful relationships, weird tasting potato chips from New Orleans, and a disturbing addiction to watching Mentalist reruns. He even took a phone call on his beep beep phone like some 70s mustached Burt Reynolds cement contractor. The dude really likes the Mentalist, that’s why him and Oprah first started hanging out, at The Mentalist fanfic conventions. Disturbing stuff.
Anyways, he admitted to carrying around a jar containing the head of starting right tackle and future mad high draft pick and millionaire DJ Fluker. He may have even been carrying around this head during the BCS national championship game and ESPN digitally added a helmet so as to not disturb millions of Americans while they are lusting over AJ McCarron’s old lady.
You have to wonder what society is coming to. 100 years ago if you would just get polio and die or your wife would die in childbirth while you foraged for grubs and cilantro, now we have to worry about motorcycle drivers carrying around the head of huge Mobile Alabama right tackles and shit. Excuse me while I climb up the vulcan statue in my flying squirrel suit.