Tyrann Mathieu Transfers to a Paraguayan Bank Account

ESPN was using curse warfare and it’s taken it’s first victim: the Swamp Badger himself

Things just get crazier for Tyrann Mathieu. First kicked off of LSU and now transferring to a South American bank account. Apparently his distant uncle needed cornerbacks and was a high ranking government official and also a successful minister and also died w/ no heirs and/or hoes.

UPDATE: Unfortunately it has come to light that this EMAIL WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS was a scam and now the ‘Honey Badger’ [may that phrase rest in peace] finds himself unwillingly transferred into a Paraguayan bank account. Hopefully, his special teams and fumblemaking skills can help him escape. I wonder if he can play CODBLOPS while inside a bank account? Maybe he can only play Mario Galaxy or some such twee Nintendo shit.

Maybe to pass the time in this bank account, he will read Holy Shit: Managing Manure to Save Mankind???

Well, we are in this for the long haul fellas. Assuming the curse travels sequentially, Georgia should brace for something horrific. They probably should go ahead and take off work and start coating Michael Stipe with holy lard and blessed butter to ward off the evil vegan spirits ESPN is probably summoning.

 

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