Alabama, after dominating the SEC, the Country, and even the world. Could Alabama Football dominate pre-history??? Like even back when the conferences were all squished together before the modern era???
Several reasons have lead us to believe Alabama would not only succeed, but THRIVE:
1) Bear Bryant would have been an actual Bear
2) Serious gumpers would tailgate on a dinosaur adorned with crimson war paint and Shaun Alexander jerseys
3) There would be no accumulated human knowledge to cram into student-athlete’s heads (also, it would actually only be about the X’s and O’s, since that would be the whole alphabet)
4) The NCAA would not be formed for approximately 300 million motherfucking years
5) Prime recruiting area (unless Antarctica was the Florida/Texas of that era, rival.com website does not go back that far)
6) Team activities could include Mammoth hunting
7) After Mammoth hunting the team could slide around in the miles of mammoth entrails, it would be like a really smelly sticky shit-smeared Six Flags park (maybe more like Busch Gardens???)
**Obligatory Good Mammoth Hunting quote: “How ya like dem apples??? How do you like them, really? I’ve never had fruit.”
8) With no stopwatches, the game clock would be a huge phallic sundial
9) Tommy Tuberville’s Pond-Canoe Gambler schtick would have never caught on, Aubs would have been like GTFO
10) Daniel Moore would make a perfect cave painter, he could be fed leftover mammoth
11) The fight song would be so advanced, it would sound like stepglitch dubgrind or whatever, striking fear in the hearts and ear-anuses of everyone
12) I did have a 12 but someone installed a mountain line on my computer wtf??!