Yahoo Sports Drops Actual Bomb on SEC West

After months of threats, Yahoo Sports finally ‘did it’ and dropped tons of exploding ordinance on Alabama, Mississippi and Louisiana. Most experts thought Yahoo was going to do a huge expose about the scandalous practice of people giving other people money and good car deals, but nope, they dropped actual weapons from the sky and blew up a ton of shit.

At approximately 7AM CST, 25 Yahoo warplanes took off from 3 different Yahoo bases and exploded Baton Rouge, Starkville, Tuscaloosa, and the cute little village of Oxford, leaving people without homes, TVs, Xboxes and barbeque.

Morgan Freeman denounced the attack, along with most of the SEC West leaders that were not exploded by the surprise attack, and has vowed to use his god-like powers and silky smooth voice to pound Yahoo Sports into submission and then toss their dismembered unrecognizable body parts into catfish ponds across the Southeast.

Why would Yahoo do this you ask? Well there are several factors:

  • Coastal Access: Yahoo could use the coastal waters of SEC West areas to set up trade and shipping, and Yahoo employees could also take vacations at the beach, presumably riding in on heavily armored horses as conquering warlords
  • Deep Fried Food: Yahoo could control more than 40% of the Continental US supply of golden, delicious, artery blocking deep fried food, along with most of the country’s okra.
  • Funny Accents: Yahoo seems to think southern people sound funny, especially when they get excited and/or hurt themselves. Bonus points for full-on straw hat Gomer Pyle 3-octave southern accents.
  • Recruiting: Yahoo would have a foothold in the recruit rich Southeast, with a seemingly endless supply of running backs and wide receivers and defensive linemen.
  • I urge you all to be vigilant, channel your inner Swayze, and to not name your rag tag group of guerrillas something lame like “Wolverines”, be creative, because you’ll be carving and spray painting this on those Yahoo suckers for months if not years.

    1 Response to Yahoo Sports Drops Actual Bomb on SEC West

    1. Toni Lovergood

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