Your Hairy Handicapper, your Governor of Growl, your Insect Inspecting Eeyore is back with weekend footbawwll picks to satisfy all your gambling needs!
What do you do when making your picks?
Do you use random elements to decide on picks, like dart boards, dice, or throwing the entrails of partially eaten hikers up in the air and seeing what school logos they look like when they land? Do you have any superstitious bullshit you do, like making sure you have enough money in the bank to pay your bills? Me, I know if I’m chilling in the woods and I find a baby in a tent, I’m gonna nail that shit on Saturday, that’s why I’m saying this is your LINE EM UP™ weekend. THATS RIGHT, a FREE LINE EM UP™ WEEKEND. If you play your cards right, the kids will be going to college, your TV will be doing 3d shit, and your bookie will be a wanted man in 11 states.
South Carolina 21 at Arkansas 35
Do hog hates keep your ears warm? I’ve always wondered that in these colder months.
Beiber Baby 3 vs Tiny Kangaroo 2
THE NFL’s LOINS BURN IN DESIRE LUCK LOCK OF THE WEEK!!!!
Stanford 48 at Oregon State 24
Vampire Burt Reynolds Says:
” Grow a damn mustache kid, curly haired women with stomach-covering swimsuits will be serving you Heismans up to you on a platter in no time”
Army GRENADES at Air Force BOMBS
Vanderbilt 12 at Florida 10
Feeling Vandy this week. An little upper middle class birdy w/ some inside info told me to bet big on them.
Beiber Baby 3 vs Goro 68
Boise State 86 at UNLV 0
Kansas State 15 at Garth Brooks U 55
Kansas State is coming unravelled! Garth Brooks U is on a collision course w/ the SEC yall!!
Beiber Baby 5 vs Arkansas Hog Hat 3
Big comeback for the Beiber Baby, so it could end the weekend w/ a 2 – 1 record.
LSU 20 at Alabama 28
My bear-sense is tingling that Alabama is headed for disappointment, thanks to 2 touchdowns from the LSU punter, but I’m picking Bama cause I don’t feel like getting any shit from you guys!
BONUS Search Term Web Hit of the Week:
“greg mcelroy back tattoo”
It feels sad to send an internet surfer home without the much needed information on either a) Greg McElroy’s back tattoo or b) someone with a huge Greg McElroy montage on their back