Just burped up some North Face sweatpants and now I’m gonna sit in a dark room and listen to Coldplay

Been a sad week. Sniffing bees.

After Alabama lost I cried into my pillow for days and days, until it started to stink and I realized it was the carcass of a large LSU woman I accidentally mauled.

Thankfully I have the sweet pensive pipes of Chris Martin to make me feel like I have company in the world.

YOUR MORBID FASCINATION COMPELS YOU LOCK OF THE WEEK!!!
Nebraska 25 Penn State 7
Whats worse that having 2 bad quarterbacks? Having 2 bad quarterbacks and a GODDAMN DEFCON 11 CHILD SEX ABUSE SCANDAL!!

Florida 24 South Carolina 27
Suggested Drink & Food pairing: Coors Light, Velveeta nachos, pants made of onion rings

Leprechaun in the Hood 21 Tower Heist 3

“Always Bet on Green”

Kent State 35 Akron 22
The BATTLE FOR THE WAGON WHEEL TROPHY! !

Navy 24 Southern Methodist 14
Like any self-respecting Southern Methodist I expect the Mustangs to roll out some casseroles and arm tackling (hooker murder optional)

Scarves 7 Sweat Pants 21

Vampire Burt Reynolds Says:
“I’m all sweat pants this weekend!”

Kentucky 3 Vanderbilt 7 (PICK THE OVER!!!)
This is your last pre-basketball chance to mock these teams straight up at one time… so get your shots in early!

Spaghetti used as Toothpaste 11 Milkshake used as Lube 14

Auburn 41 Georgia 53
Who has the endurance to win the Worlds Largest Outdoor Croakie Convention?

Alabama 34 Mississippi State -6