I am the number one Ninja and I have killed all the Shoguns in front of me. – Bayou Philosopher Shaquille O’Neal (Possibly still looking for tickets)

Rock My Fucking Face Off, Game’o'the Decade!
Will the world ever be the same after Alabama and LSU clash, in this sports-genre defining moment? Post BayouBamaCore won’t have the same punch and social relevancy. The sweet riffs and melodic breakdowns that this Saturday will bring will make everything else seem lifeless and dead. I’m not sure how I’ll get up in the morning after this. I’m not sure why I’ve been getting up in the morning before this.

At Least A Comet Didnt Destroy the Earth Before This
(might be premature, but I think we’re on the home stretch now, I mean, ESPN already setting shit up)

LSU Fans will be dressed very odd.
– Do  not be fooled, they are not deities or video game characters.
– Don’t get too close
– If you are bitten, don’t panic, but you may need to be treated with several shots in your stomach and probably a few shots of jager-bombs administered by a professional [dancer]

Lets Cancel all other Fucking Games!!
I cant really figure out why other games are even played. Should just skip to this every year. Countless ACLs would be saved. Maybe even a few MCLs. Dr. James Andrews could cure cancer and shit, instead of having to dick around with athletes ligaments, dude is a genius but spends all his time moving around temporarily famous knee gristle. He could be doing something better for all of society or inventing robot boxing.

Celebrity Gameday Pick
Former LSU pitcher, and current Olympic mogul skiier Byron Wilson will play the highly anticipated “Celebrity Pickem Challenge” delivering his picks by sliding down a “Walk of Champions” in front of Bryant Denny stadium that will be temporarily covered in tons of premium frat boy blow-caine.

The College Gameday crew’s nice threads and disarming smiles obscure the seething coke-fiend thoughts that they violently wrestle with every Gameday morning.

OK just joking, actually its this passionate Burrito activist:

“I ordered the corn-dog flavored burritos with fried gator-brain toppings, you stooge!”

SHOULD THIS RIVALRY HAVE A NAME?
I mean, the Mississippi schools have the egg bowl, and I think thats the coolest, most breakfasty name of any bowls. Goes well with Tabasco sauce, or just salt and pepper, or just MORE EGGS! Arkansas and LSU even have to fight over some little boot/iron map.  Should the LSU Bama Game have its own name???

Mole Bowl – a pet mole will have to be fed and cared for by the losing team’s SGA losers
Sbarro Bowl – free Sbarro for everyone!!!
Bah Humbowl – winning team only cares about championships, doesnt give 2 shits about Christmas
Dick Bowl – yall know we are all a bunch of dicks right?
Mosquito Bowl – losing team gets 2 more weeks of mosquitos
Tower Heist Bowl –  2 teams, full of overpaid players, hijinks ensue, but everyone is grateful once its over
Cormac McCarthy Bowl –  Outside it drizzled dying clouds. 3 players dead, more still might go down. The coaches just stared. The crowd felt like a posse hungry for more blood.

COULD LSU HAVE A SECRET WEAPON???
Not sure weather to laugh or cry a hole in my guthries napkin..

So it seems LSU is considering bringing a remote control mouse onto the field. Feel sorry for this poor LSU Facebook woman who probably just “sent packing” to the bayou up in the clouds:
– Extremely worried that they have developed remote control brain technology
– How much smarter are they????
– Worried what they will do next, since they already do mad fake punts and eat grass
– How would you know if you were under remote control, maybe you think you are just chilling reading a book drinking $6 coffee but are actually on a chaotic killing spree?
– Possible remote control dinosaur coming to Bryant Denny in 2013

ALABAMA HAS A SECRET FUCKING WEAPON!!

I’m not sure what it is. I dont even really want to know. Some dents seemed to be on the wall of the ‘box’, and I could feel a sort of gravity around the thing. was tempted to kick a field goal into it but I didnt want to awake the beast, because I could feel a presence in the air, sort of chili-like in consistency. I kinda hope it’s something fucking amazing like an elephant with flat-screen TVs strapped to it, but I wouldnt put it past to Nick Saban to have something even more destructive.

It got shipped in via the bye week. I followed a trail of Diet Dr Pepper cans and found lots of heavily armed guards in real tree camouflage, but I saw their Athletic Dept parking tags, and I could hear them whisper ’Coach’ into their concealed earpieces.

Other sources say it might be a true counter to LSU’s ‘Honey Badger’, so I’m now thinking it’s probably Billy the Exterminator. A reality show icon who is an expert at man vs rodent encounters, and might not give a fuck either.

WHERES YOUR GOD NOW RODENT!!