First of all, we just moved the Tower of Bammer servers from our sweatshop in Bangladesh to our upgraded sweatshop in Thailand. Hopefully our workers will be posting more now that we’ve upgraded from leather whips to shock collars and everyone is properly hooked up to a caffeine/adderall IV drip. God, that makes me hungry for hot wings for some reason.

Anyway, the adulations and congratulations have been rolling in nation-wide after such a great season. Everyone is looking to make a buck off it though. We’d like to highlight some of the weird championship cash grabs by those soulless corporations that make the world go round:

The Championship Blender! none of those Hamilton Beach pieces of shit for Bama fans. This one is perfect for grinding up crystal footballs when you want to make that *insert Mexican accent* special margarita on the rocks.

CSI Miami, the Complete Second Season: Bama is Back Yeaahh Edition. David Caruso sucks the cancer out of an elementary school teacher, Donates his spleen to the President, saves the greater Miami/Dade County area from a vicious fungal infection, and drop kicks childhood obesity out a 12th story window.

2010 BCS Championship Edition Paranormal Detector If you buy this, it’s probably a sign that you need to get your 2010 BCS Championship Edition Bullshit Detector fixed

“Champs Baby!” Baby Seat Rigged with Explosives does not seem safe, use with caution.

iPhone Covered in Dreamland Barbeque Sauce This is great and all, but I get better 3G coverage with my Verizon Droid covered in Dreamland Barbeque Sauce: