RBR is at it again with a fresh batch of offseason round table talk.

1. Spring practice start[ed last week] and there will be a number of position battles on both sides of the ball. Which one are you paying the most attention to?

A:  I’m hoping not to be bored enough to worry about spring position battles. Spring Position Battles sounds more like the title of a gay porn than a football fan activity (gay porn watching football fans excluded, of course). That said, I dunno, out of morbid curiosity, I guess the offensive line should be set by the end of spring practice, are we going to finally see DJ Fluker’s massive man hands batting away entire people?

TJ:  Is the backup QB situation resolved? Has McCarron already sealed the job down. Star Jackson has been in “the system” for 2 1/2 years and you have to believe that the kid is ready to play.  Otherwise, are we willing to red-shirt Phillip Sims (put link to goofy picture of phil simms as a link here).The fact is that SEC quarterbacks have less chance than a whale trainer in front of a blood-thirsty orca. There is a good possibility of a McElroy injury that could force this issue.

2. There have already been a couple of position change rumors (Kendall Kelly to safety, Michael Bowman to TE) and, knowing Saban’s penchant for playing mad scientist with the roster during the early part of spring camp, there are likely going to be a few more over the next few weeks. Who do you think would be a candidate for a position change, why, and where are they moving?

A:  I can’t contemplate position changes, when I hear that word, I think of techtonic plates moving. Like maybe DJ Fluker moving to Defensive Back and becoming a Dominant Beast. He could play a cover 3 all by himself!

TJ:  Some dude is gonna move from money to jack?! am I supposed to know the difference between money and jack. I dont know about this Will, Jack, and Sam shit, it sounds like the start to some mystical foul-mouthed Irish limerick. These defensive schemes fool highly paid offensive coordinators, how is an unemployed basement masterbator going to comprehend all this? Just plug some future NFL motherfucker in there and we’ll be alright.

3. Each year someone has a come from nowhere breakout performance in the spring, a la Robby Green’s surprise nabbing of the FS spot last spring. Who is poised to be a breakout star this year?

A:  I’m picking BJ Scott. He’s already shown the ability to get everyone to quit calling him Burton, so covering SEC Wideouts and laying down mad hits should be a snap compared to that. I’m thinking Eric Berry with muscles made of nails. In my opinion, he may weild all the powers of the Mobile Area, powers left vacated by Jamarcas Russell’s Oakland Raider’s tenure.

4. There was a lot of blue chip talent riding the pine last season. Which heralded recruit that has yet to see any meaningful playing time is, in your opinion, both poised to show their stuff and the one you are most excited about finally seeing on the field?

A:  I’m rooting for Kerry Murphy. Old enough to be, what, a Junior? This guy has had a tough time academically to get to UA, but its also given him time to get bigger and wiser. Next year he’s going to  need to become Baby Cody, and take over the nose tackle position on running downs.

TJ: Who’s our kicker now, isn’t it going to be Foster Cade, Cade Foster, something like that? Either he has an amazing year, Daniel Moore material, or we’ve got a big Indian food smelling diaper full of Phlugner again.

5. If Mark Ingram and Godzilla fought, who would win?

A:  Umm Godzilla is a fucking fire breathing raioactive dragon thing. I dont think a heisman trophy qualifies you to eliminate an angry lizard 4000 times your weight that eats Japanese people. I bet Mark has yet to eat a single Japanese person. That said, maybe we could bestow a power onto Mark to even the fight. How about razor blade eyeballs and a 900lb magnetic leg?

TJ [hastily transcribed by Man Dance in trying to capture the drunken ravings]:  Trent Richardson wins that fight, this will be the saddest fuck… America is going to realize… um who was that fucking asshole writer from Tennessee? “Our heisman running back might not be our best running back”. Trent Richardson is going to swoop in there like a fucking Pterodactyl. Saban would rather sleep with snakes than lose, and Trent will not let you lose.