Who the Fuck is Duke?
Duke University is named after a large slave ship (The Dangling Duke) that sailed into the ominous Research Triangle never to be seen from again. Doesn’t Research Triangle sound like a Ménage à trois of scientists?? They chose the Blue Devil as their mascot because White Devil was already taken, and Cerulean Lucifers was too over the top. Duke has an endowment of 5 billion bucks, which makes it about 10 University of Alabamas. Dang Duke, can we hang out, get a few cocktails? Maybe you’ll get me preggers?!
Duke made their fortunes selling a metric shit ton of tiny vacuum cleaners:
Love your Stadiums Duke!
Duke plays their games at Marsellus Wallace Wade stadium, named after a gangster who became a coach who became a medieval history professor
Duke is famous for its legendary Basketball program, led by speedo guy
“Fuck Tarheels!” – Duke
Duke really hates UNC, so I’m gonna use this as an opportunity to post a pic of minor league baseball player Hitler Jordan, who played basketball at UNC when he was not working on his Air Kampf line of shoes.
Fucking Duke Fridge
So, this crazy fucking fridge was invented by Duke grad John Cornwell.
Thanks dude! Does it work with Schlitz 40s? Thats all I drink at home. I could switch over to Steel Reserve but don’t look you could handle those big cans. (Dang, big cans!! wink wink **sticks fork in eye**)
Fuckin Duke-eee Babeeee
I don’t even know how to get all amped for Duke, hope the Crimson Tide football players find it easier. All I hear in my head is Dick Vitale saying “Dookie Baby!!” during college b-ball coverage. I just recently realized he wasn’t talking about a feces covered infant. And, yeah, everyone that goes to Duke is a doctor or something. They should be out fixing aortas or cruising in their benzes, not watching footbaw. The ones that aren’t doctors probably just watch NASCAR reruns all day when it’s not B-Ball season. I’m worried I phoned this one in. Not gonna be enough F-bomb powers to get our guys over the Blue Devil Blues. If this one turns out all shitty, just blame it on me, gonna go to the Mega Chinese Buffet and cry over my crab rangoons.