Last night, after a chowder-induced dream, I was unable to get back to sleep. My mind wandered, of course, to football. It was in this drowsy state I realized there are comparisons between the Wildcat formation that we’re all familiar with, and the WildC.A.T.’s comic book that only my fellow nerds are aware of. For those not in the know, don’t worry, cause I’m about to fill your asses in. No Homo.
In 1992, Jim Lee released WildC.A.T.’s #1 under the new Image Comics brand. These goddamn things were slick. The art was top notch, the coloring was years ahead of the competition, and the story was barely coherent horseshit. Perfect for semi-literate 12-year-old boys. It was gimmicky as all hell, and it worked.
Now, compare this to Houston Nutt’s wildcat formation he used as the Razorbacks head coach. Some will argue that Nutt didn’t create the wildcat, but for our purposes, he’s responsible for catapulting it into the collective jug-heads of college football fans. Nutt had figured out that he needed to get the ball into the hands of his minotaur-posing-as-a-running-back, Darren McFadden, more often. So just cut out the middleman and snap the ball right to him. Hell, he can even throw a touchdown every now and then. It was gimmicky as all hell, and it worked.
Years later, Jim Lee got tired of drawing shit. He basically wanted to be a “producer” of comics. This entailed hiring artist, who sorta, but not really, drew like Jim Lee and then slapped his name above the title. Him and Rob Liefeld did this shit for years. Someone finally figured out that selling mastabatory aids to adolescents would only make you so much cash. The comic business had changed and people were actually reading these goddamn things. So Lee went out and hired the best writer he could to helm the WildC.A.T’s series. Enter: Alan Moore. That’s right, Alan Moore, of The Watchmen, From Hell and all that shit. This guy was a legend and he was gonna write a comic about fucking cyborgs and strippers teaming up and fighting demonoids. No one gave it a chance. But it turned out, that in the hands of a professional, WildC.A.T.’s was pretty good shit. Moore revitalized the series, and did some of his best work, showing that he can do more than faggy, british shit.
The Miami Dolphins were a floundering (pun intended) organization. They were perpetually last in their division and after their badass coach left their sorry asses, they decided to bring in a pro. Bill Parcell. Not as a coach or a GM, they just wanted him in the building. They got to planning. In one of the first games of the season, against the world-beating Patriots, Miami went into the wildcat formation, with saban-draft pick Ronnie Brown at shotgun. They shocked the league. Not only did they beat the perpetual Super Bowl favorites, they did it using a formation that no one thought would translate in the NFL. It worked so well, other teams spent the off-season working it into thier own playbooks.
A couple of years after Moore’s success with WildC.A.T.’s, someone decided to option the series for a cartoon. How could they miss? Well,…they did. I think it lasted all of 2 episodes. I would make fun of this, but I’ll let you make your own jokes instead. Just watch this abortion:
Wow. I think that this is what the Alabama wildcat looks like. A goddamn parody of an offense. A cartoon of something successful. It “looks” like the wildcat, but it’s a joke that no one respects. Hopefully someone will pull the plug on this series soon.