William: “Lock of the week. Take the over. Crompton will throw for 4 touchdowns! But, then again, you should never take betting advice from a dog wearing a pink bandana.”

Speedy: “Think that Mike Vick stuff was bad? Crazy swamp bumpus Ed Orgeron makes soup out of dogs, I can smell it when he sweats.”

Buddy: “I think McElroy will have a bounce back week. Let me tell you from experience, its starting to get fucking cold in the dog house”

Maggie: “Eric Berry 4 Heisman! No wait, Mark Ingram for Heisman! Delusional assholes, no one can defeat The Circumsisor”

Barney: “I don’t like the looks of you. Can I see your license? Got any grass or pills on you, boy? Mind if I urinate on everything you own?”

Bear: “This is a public service announcement: Every eleven minutes, someone in Alabama names a dog ‘Bear’.”

Sarah: “I might not make it to the game, I have 11 feet of yarn in my large intestine!” (Talk about a passing game)

Roxy: “I got so excited when I heard a bunch of Volunteer women are coming to town. I can’t wait to share experiences. I’ve always wanted to work for the Peace Corp or Teach for America!”

Patton: “I’d like to dip Lane Kiffin’s wife into some gravy, and, y’know, see how things work out.”