Did i tell you about the time I was on a greyhound bus that was hijacked? I was traveling in New Jersey at the time (a state full of filthy-mouthed yankees, let me fucking tell you). These whiskey-drunk livestock-sounding criminals came stumbling into the Bus after nearly running it off the road, demanding all the booze, painkillers, and AA batteries that the passengers had. My old lady had to fish the battries out of her portable massage device, boy was I pissed she was totin’ around one of those, harsher felony than a loaded unregistered weapon back home!

So at first I thought these hijackers was some Canadians who’d been rolling around in the dirt, but then I saw the mud covered Ford F-150 with customized Montgomery county Mississippi plates that said “CLUNKCLUNKCLUNKCLUNK” and I immediately recognized it as a dangerous Mississippi Mud-person cypher of some sort, these toe-fingered bastards were far from home, reverting into some sort of survival instinct. They left without incident, but the old lady’s portable massage device lay still and dark and still for many years.

So yeah, to hell with them cowbell swinging dick lickers! I’m half a mind to drive down to that little hamlet of Starkville, eat a mess of boiled asparagus, and unload a few quarts of weird stinky piss all over the place.