The Long Snapper. His job, to get the ball to the kicker in less than 3/4s of a second without hearing “that snap sucked, asshole”. A key part of the kicking unit, he helped put a third of Alabamas points on the board last year.
The Long Snapper is the epitome of the uber-specialized game that American football has become. Lobbing a big wad of leather a little bit farther is apparently such a chore for offensive lineman that we import this secret agent with finely honed long-distance turd lobbing skills. When they split off into special teams practice, I’m sure Mr. Long Snapper is happy he isn’t getting pummelled repeatedly by some man-beast defensive tackle. His typical practice mantra should be “fuck getting beat up, I’ll just go over here and help these dudes kick balls.”
If you hear the long snapper’s name during a game, you know something has gone to shit. The last thing we ever wanna see is one of our kicker nerds scrambling for their life in the face of a Katamari Damacy style ball of special team man-flesh. We have a saying for that, where I come from in south Alabama: A fucking pile of horse shit.
This year, our man is Brian Selman. take a look at the stats… and the choppers.
Tackles Fumbles Year G-S TT UT AT TFL QBH Sacks FF FR PBU Int 2007 13-0 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
No screw-ups, and he even had a solo tackle in last years Arkansas win. He’s a
senior this year, and we here at the Tower hope that this is the last
time we write about him.