It’s the first time in a while that the Alabama football team has suffered a loss, and I’m not really sure my brothers and sisters really remember how to handle this sort of thing. It was an amazing run, to go 13 games in a row with a larger number on our side of the scoreboard than that of our villainous opponents. Bama fans don’t really relish victories, they just hate defeats. So, you should commit these pains of loss to long-term memory, read and listen to the half-witted tirades coming from all directions and SOAK IT IN. You should then stick pins in your toes and rub Jalepeno peppers in your eyes. Next, feed antifreeze to your pets while you burn down a school. After that, every time time your team wins you can say to yourself “Alright! this time I’m not gonna have to do all that crazy shit again!”.

After that, here is my list of healthy ways to deal with this horrible defeat:

1) Paint a picture of a defensive linemen mauling painter Daniel Moore, who cursed Alabama by announcing that the highlight of the year was going to be “The Blackout” way back in October. *

2) Tell yourself it was a basketball game, 31 – 20 seems like a feasible score for the Tide B-ballers.

3) Tuck yourself in at night knowing that Florida’s inhuman quarterback ain’t going to be there forever.

4) Put on that Santa suit and raise some hell.

5) Head over to some Utah message boards and start talking shit about their defense/conference/cheerleaders/mountains/undergarments.

6) Head over to some Utah message boards and share horror stories about draconian alcohol laws.

7) Drive down to your nearest alligator farm and wrestle one of those sons bitches, I hear they are easier to beat in the cold weather.
Get all nerded-out about recruiting season and start filling out your dream-team 2011 starting lineup.

9) Buy some pickles, then stick a few in the toilet after you drop a nasty load and imagine they are gator babies drowning in your shit.**

10) Drink up some Brawndo:

*if you do this, email it to us, please email it to alabamamandance@towerofbammer.com

**ok, upon further testing, this might fuck up your plumbing, try to use those tiny pickles