So I was perusing a few sites, looking for a hand crafted instrument made by indigenous peoples to outfit the Alabama Man Dance African Percussion Choir, and, lo and behold, i come across this: A Tin Elephant, check out this from the description “this elephant made of heavy sheets of tin is definitely red (so much so that he has been known to root for the Crimson Tide!)” So, c’mon people, if you’re looking for a gift for that special Bama Fan in your life you’ve wronged so many times, I can’t think of a better one, made by actual Zimbabwe Bammers.

In other news
If you are not following EDSBS’s Fulmer Cup, you should, since Alabama is the reigning champ thanks to last years robbery/coke slinging/bar-fight-a-palooza. We really hope the winner truly represents what it means for your team to go out and act like morons. That, and this quote from the most recent update almost made me spill my bat-blood voodoo cocktail all over my freemasonry pentagrams:

The Trilateral Commission decreed it, and then confirmed the call with the Elders of Zion, who then ratified the dismissal of affray charges against Janoris Jenkins with Quantum and the Gnomes of Zurich. Broadcasting the orders over special high-frequency radios through Chinese Triad contacts based in Mormon temples across the world, who then executed the orders through Mara Salvatrucha operatives with links to Opus Dei and the Carlyle Group to intimidate the judges in Alachua County to make the charges go away, debase the US Currency, and simultaneously undermine the University of Tennessee and Georgia programs while clearing the way for ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT. Either that, or there was no evidence to hold the charges any further against Jenkins.

This off season has been fairly tame, as you can tell from the lack of posts around here, but this story should get you appropriately fired up.

I found myself recently visiting the construction site of our current stadium expansion. The construction is being undertaken by the Brasfield & Gorrie company, based out of Birmingham. While talking with some of the crew, it was mentioned that there was some Auburn contingent amongst the workers. This seemed harmless enough, and is common for any place of business in this state. However, it was the phone conversation that I overheard while in an office that prompted this post.

I had been left alone momentarily when a gentleman entered while talking to a friend on his phone. He seemed to be paying me no mind, and starting talking about cursing the stadium. How? By laying a picture of Tommy Tuberville into the concrete of the to-be completed southern expansion. Sadly, no specific locations or dates for the burial were given. I had just wrapped up my business and proceeded for the exit thinking, “You just told the wrong dude about this. I write an Alabama blog, asshole!”

I am not a superstitious man. To me, this only represents the idiotic and desperate measures to which Auburn fans have been driven to by their recent mediocrity. But not all bama fans feel this way. Superstitions and fandom go hand in hand for most people; be it a lucky shirt, favorite seat, chants or what-have-you. Now that I think of it, most fans that I know have some form superstition. Is it that far of a leap to also believe in a curse? It is not for me to decide. I was only privy to the information and I’ll leave it for the bama faithful to make the next move. This post may not make the slightest ripple, with people saying that this curse isn’t worth the 8×10″ glossy photo it’s based on. But if history is any indication, fans may take this issue to heart. During the construction of the new Yankee Stadium, it leaked that some contractors/Red Sox fans had buried an Ortiz jersey in the stands. Fans and Yankee staff were upset by the stunt enough to jackhammer the jersey out of its hiding spot.

So, according to the rapsheet, the Alabama will be forced to “vacate some wins” as a result of possibly 200 athletes taking a few too many trips to the Alabama Supply Store, and what better time to take a vacation than summer? The kids are out of school committing crimes and spray-painting churches, the unfullfilling job is laying people off, the gurgling sound from the living room is your miserable wife is drowning in a pool of her own sweat, and every sip of beer might be interrupted by your dog’s fur-projectiles stuck to the lip of the can.

OK, disclaimer, Its insanely early to look at next years pro prospects that will spend the year in crimson and white, fucking ridiculously early, but, we are bored, people! BORED! And its fun to think about the select few of our Alabama brothers and sisters moving on and making lots of money.

There is plenty of time for teams to bottom out, players to miss an entire year to injury, quickly shedding the tag ‘can’t miss’ and being relabeled ‘project player’ or the dreaded ‘college graduate’. The last couple of years quarterbacks such as Cullen Harper and Brian Brohm dive bombed from preseason top-ten picks, and we can be sure there are plenty in these lists that will end up scrambling for free agent deals, we can hope it is not our guys though.

Prisco on CSB Sports:

11. Terrence Cody
30. Rolando McClain

Sports Illustrated:
SI seems to rank Javy the highest. Remember when he was a return man who was occasionally spotted in the defensive backfield?

10. Terrence Cody
18. Rolando McClain
27. Javier Arenas

NFL Draft Scout:
OK, first of all, this list is insanely long and insanely early, and does not include underclassmen. It’s good to see Mike Johnson and Justin Woodall show up.

8. Terrence Cody
24. Javier Arenas
39. Mike Johnson
79. Justin Woodall

NFL Draft Dog:
The ‘Dog’ has Cody waaay up there at #2. Jesus, I’d love to see Cody on the stage with Roger Goodell, smiling, with some shitty teams hat on his head!

2. Terrence Cody
13. Rolando McClain

NFL Draft Site:

5. Terrence Cody
32. Javier Arenas
56. Mike Johnson
118. Justin Woodall

What a difference a year makes. In the 2008 draft, Alabama sent 0 players in 7 rounds. Fucking embarrassing. Well, this year the Tide fared much better. We scoured the tubes to see what NFL fans thought of their incoming Alabama alum.

Andre Smith
Cincinnati Bengals

The sixth overall pick seemed to be a foregone conclusion to most Bengal fans. Reactions were mixed, but for the most part positive:

“hopefully he just doesnt leave a game at half time and not tell anyone”

One Cincy fan says that Andre’s family reminds him of the Klumps. “Hercules! Hercules!”

“typical bengals first rd. gaffe. smith is a fat @ss with a a bra size that makes morganna jealous. monroe was the more solid pick at that point. he’ll spend a year or two as a turnstyle at LT before they move to G. we essentially picked an overwieght, immature guard with the sixth pick of the draft. hell, if you didn’t like monroe at that pick you may as well took crabtree instead of some buffet wrecking, bust-in-waiting.”

“A++! Would draft again!. No we just need to trade Chad’s bitch ASS!”

Most reactions were realistic though, such as these two:

“Andre Smith was THE pick there. No doubt. Wouldnt look back. I really dont even care if he ends up at RT. 3 years of dominance, dude is ready to do what you need him to do in the NFL. He doesnt go down, he gets his hands on a defender and they dont get away.”

“Who cares if Smith ends up a RT. The Bengals drafted Willie Anderson at #10 to be a RT and that worked out pretty good. You need two tackles to tango and we landed the best overall talent at the OT position the draft had to offer. The only reason he wasn’t the top is because his decision making wasn’t great in January.”

After lurking in the Bengal’s blogs, rumor is that HBO’s pre-season team-jinxing show, Hard Knocks, has selected Cincinnati as the team they’ll be following this year. So we get to see how Andre handles the pressure of being a first rounder in the ballet.

Glen Coffee
San Francisco 49ers

In a pick that was a pretty big surprise, the 49ers grabbed Glen in the 3rd round. In true San Francisco style, they grabbed him right in his chaps.

One Commenter Says “Andre Brown still on the board and we take Coffee? That guy wasn’t even the best back on his college team.”

“Well than they just pulled an Al Davis and drafted a guy at least 2 full rounds to early while leaving much more talented RB’s on the board.”

Not everyone in San Fran is upset with the Coffee pick, they see alot of upside. What’s funny is that there seemed to be quite a few reactions like this, “Not picking Darius Butler and Rashad Johnson will haunt us.” Niners fan’s calls for Rashad were scattered all over the boards, only to see their rival in Arizona scoop him up.

Antoine Caldwell
Houston Texans

The Texan fans seem to be happy with this pick, remember, this is a team that let their QB get sacked 76 times once.

Rashad Johnson
Phoenix Cardinals

Kind of a weird pick, with Adrian Wilson and Antrel Rolle pretty firmly entrenched at safety. But this fan tries to make sense of it: “The Cards have tended to draft positions they felt could become a “need” a season or two in the future. Considering Johnson’s addition to the Cardinals, does this indicate the Cardinals intention to let Rolle test the FA market after this season?”

Once again, it’s a mixed bag of reactions. “Overall this may end up being the smartest pick of the draft for the Cardinals. Also sounds like they got a steal for the end of the third round.” And conversely, “A safety and now a corner? we just upgraded corner via free agency, we have our starters there. is whiz thinking we can get sacks with the front 7 we have if the coverage can last longer?”

John Parker Wilson
JPW landed in Atlanta as a free agent, where he’ll go to camp and compete with DJ Shockley and Chris Redman for a backup spot.

Overall, this was the best draft class that Alabama has had in a long time. Nick Saban now has something to point at to incoming recruits who want to make it to the pro-level. Hell, word is that Saban’s efforts kept Andre in the top ten and elevated Rashad into the 3rd round. It’s not hard to imagine that we can look forward even more successful drafts in the near future.

Brady Quinn

Ted Ginn Jr

The Jets

Jets fans Boo Patriots pick before its called

And of course, the Eagles boo Donovan, and 30,000 yards later, many still are

Draft talk always contains a huge, Jupiter sized asterisk. Football geeks extroidinaire Football Outsiders do a great job in summing that asterisk up in this post “Made, not Born”, college football fans could equally apply those lessons to recruiting, though the practice time is much less and the talent disparity is much greater.

Several Alabama players will have their 69 Boyz ringtones at the ready during the NFL draft this Saturday, repeatedly cursing every unknown number they get a call from. The Tide’s 2008 draft class was legendary in all the wrong ways, with no names getting called and (unless I missed something) no 2008 guys even making it on rosters as free agents.

Andre Smith
4th OT (NFL Draft Countdown)
WalterFootball has him ranked as the 63rd player overall (!)
Mock Drafts: Don Banks 6th to Bengals, Todd McShay 7th to Raiders
In Case you forgot about Andre’s missteps, well they replayed all the shit during the A-day telecast, and they’ll replay it again at least 11 times on ESPN and the NFL network. I’m convinced its on a permanent loop at one ESPN engineer’s workstation. Before his bacon grease slathered screwups, Andre had a chance to be Alabama’s first number one overall draft pick since Harry Gilmer in 1948.

Rashad Johnson
3rd Safety (NFL Draft Countdown)
Rashad has had a storybook career, going from walk-on running back to defensive field general. Rashad is likely the number one safety for several teams, but they rarely pick safety’s in the first round, especially small ones.

Antoine Caldwell
5th Center (NFL Draft Countdown)
Caldwell is in the upper-middle of the pack in a year of solid centers, but I believe his attitude, intelligence and versatility give him an excellent shot at sticking with an NFL team.

Glen Coffee
12th RB (NFL Draft Countdown)
Either because of his family’s financial need, the rebuilding Tide offensive line, Pat Robertson’s 700 Club, or the highly anticipated Trent Richardson arrival, the time seemed right for Coffee to percolate into the NFL.

John Parker Wilson
15th QB (NFL Draft Countdown)
A solid Senior Bowl and combine may get him drafted on the second day. Likely you’ll hear the entire state of Alabama groan if he gets selected, but he’s not supposed to beat out Tom Brady or anything, he really has the qualities an NFL team would want for a third string QB.

Travis McCall
21st Tight End (NFL Draft Countdown)
McCall’s blocking puts him on the map at the same time he knocks other people off theirs. While he’ll probably end up a free agent, with the proliferation of the spread, he has the advantage of coming from a pro style offense and has been used often in the H back role.

Nick Walker
You hear surprisingly little about Alabama’s second leading receiver. The guy got into some great shape after the 2006 season to become an excellent receiving threat, and my crimson colored glass don’t remember him being a liability blocking. I’d love to see him on a team with an accurate QB like Peyton Manning or Drew Brees, but he’ll have to hope he gets picked up as an undrafted free agent.

Every Spring, the Bammers get their A-Day, where 2 squads square off, and the losers have to eat weenies for supper, not to be confused with your B-Day, which is the anniversary of your squirting out of your mom’s leathery baby-maker.

BUT, in the words of LSU bloggers And the Valley Shook “the 2007 Alabama Crimson Tide changed the way we look at Spring Games“. (Though, quickly forgotten, Ohio State pulled in 75,000 that same year, and they actually charge admission, and it was probably colder and their coach looks like a math teacher) Anyway, point being, the fan support  and circus like atmosphere of 84 thousand folks watching a practice helps recruiting and serves as a selling point for the program in general.

The Good
Everyone’s favorite endzone poser Marquis Maze impressed on the white team, he got open as much as anyone, showed some serious moves and led all rushers with his two gimmicky scampers. While his dropped passes were troubling, he made a case to be used in a Percy Harvin/Trindon Holliday role.

The Bad
The kicking game was uglier than a salad made of used diapers. The punting looked awful and Tiffin missed two FG’s. Understandable, with all the pressure of this game. Fragile psyches on the special teams, you know this. The white team offensive line was manhandled by the crimson defensive line.

The Quarterbacks
Greg Mcelroy (G-Mac?) looks every bit the starter, and his 2 touchdown passes were right on target. It’s only his lack of bama bangs that has the Tower concerned. This is a tradition that goes back over a decade, and we hate to see it broken now.

A-Club Classic
Around 30,000 showed up to watch the game before the game that doesn’t count, the first annual A-Club 7 on 7. I missed out on this, but I’m sure the reality was far less exciting than my mental image of 52 year-old sideline reporter and goal line stand hero Barry Krauss trying to grab a hanky out of Tyrone Prothro’s pocket.

ESPN
If you kept your ass at home, you were no doubt treated to a bit more of Boston Celtic basketball than you were planning on. When the guys in the booth weren’t on their cell phones, cursing at ESPN headquarters for sending them to cover a Spring game, they decided to chew up some clock by looking at every single SEC teams schedule, as well as continuing last seasons favorite past time, “Who Can Shove Their Head Furthest Up Tim Tebow’s Asshole?” Lundquist FTW!

Worth Checking Out
New Blog Bryant Drive have posted their own A-day awards, including the The David Cavan Handicapable Appendage Award.

Dr Saturday has a good piece on Viginia Tech; Tide vs Hokies kickoff in only about 5 months, jeeze time flies.

An Auburn frat-rodeo video is making the rounds; nothing really special, rednecks love big sweaty animals.

Regarding Andre Smith, Mel Kiper says that “Nick Saban has gone to bat for this kid” and thinks he won’t drop past pick 13 in the NFL Draft. Sitting at pick 13 are the District of Colombians, where Alabama’s last bad ass left tackle, Chris Samuels, still starts.

Kevin Scarbinsky thinks ex interim basketball coach Phillip Pearson may go to Georgia, I like the use of the word may, like, we may not see as many inflammatory bullshit predictions from the guy for a little while. (EDIT: and he was right!)

Antoine Pettway might be retained on Anthony Grants staff, I remember thinking it was a tough break for Pettway, to find himself on the Assistant Coach chopping block just a year removed from his job at Jacksonville State.

Well, we’re really happy about the Anthony Grant hire, here at the Tower of Bammer corporate headquarters. You have to like how quickly the Athletic Dept identified Grant as a candidate and went after him, and now Georgia is probably moving on to their plan D candidate, after getting the cold shoulder from Mike Anderson. That could have been Alabama getting turned down, my friends, with Grant going to UGA and things spiraling into something reminiscent of the past decades of football coaching searches.

I really thought Georgia would out-hire Alabama on this (and they still might I suppose), they have a better area to recruit in and there’s lots more shit to do around there. Just based on the couple of games I caught on TV, I thought that Georgia would have crushed Alabama’s game attendance, even with their struggling squad. But, while perusing the SEC’s Stats on UA and UGA, Alabama’s disillusioned fanbase showed notably more support down the stretch. The Tide pulled in an average of almost 10 thousand Gottfried-haters every game, while last years SEC Champion Dawgs averaged 6700 and only broke 5 digits once in SEC play. Of course, this is also influenced by Alabama pulling things together under Pearson, while Georgia most definitely did not, and it could be the Bammer head counters often confuse empty seats with large handicapped women.

In case that blob of facts is too boring:

Dallas Cowboys Tight End Martellus Bennet gives you advice on how to ditch a girl at the movies.

Some Kentucky fan (accidently) commisions a unique cake version of the UK Wildcat Logo